I *do* believe she was trying to be congenial . Because we're such a small store, we have more of a boutique feel; the ladies who shop there regularly expect pleasant chit-chat (as if we're all somehow bffs) and near constant attentiveness that sometimes tips into fawning obsequiousness.
1. About 20 years ago, a White co-worker used to use 30 minutes of her lunchbreak to tan in the sun. She told me that she hates being pale. "You're so lucky you don't have to tan Antwon. You are born with dark skin. Too bad about that whole racism thing." It is one of the few times in my life I was speechless. She just walked off singing the Britney Spears song on the radio.
No words. Just...no words, just like you.
2. I've had some bosses and even co-workers reference "Antwon, you are so articulate." This one doesn't bother me as much. I haven't heard it in a long time.
So I have an honest question here...I understand WHY calling a minority "articulate" is now considered a microaggression but is there a non-offensive way to tell someone they speak very well, better than most people? Is the entire concept racist or just that particular word? Because I *have* told people they were articulate, and I've always meant just that; I never think in the back of my head that that's the first part of the sentence--"You're so articulate..."--with the second, unspoken part being "...for a <fill in the minority> person".
I feel like now that I'm older, I have a better read on people and intentions. Let's say I had it said to me 10 times in my life. Of those 10 times, about six were delivered with surprise/wow inflections. You strike me as a genuine person--so eye contact, tone of voice and a smile will portray your intentions as being good. Well-spoken is also one to be mindful of for the same reasons. Again, a warm smile and sincerity are key here.
3. I used to wear my hair in braids for years. My manager, who was White--asked me if I was going to keep my hair that way? I was like, maybe--why? She replied, I just worry that people will have preconceived notions about you. I was like, oh really? How so? I guess my face gave away that her comment was not well-received and she ended with. Well, the minute you open your mouth, all preconceived notions will evaporate.
Wow...I'm sorry that was said to you (as well as the other examples here).
Thank you 🙂
